Self Worth

Today was my last day of college ever.

I've come away from it feeling extremely proud of myself.  I managed to get an A in graded unit, a runner up for best textiles at the art show last night and today I won an award for my crocheted neckpiece.  I really needed this confidence boost in my work and I'm finally believing in myself.
I've felt as though my work wasn't good enough for a while now.  The main reason for this is how long it has taken me to get anywhere.  It has taken me 4 years to only get into first year of university.  Everyone around me has got some sort of uni placement on their first try and I'm here battling my way through every single level of qualification.  I have had zero short cuts.  I feel as though I've had to work even harder than most people to get to the same place and it made me feel like I wasn't good enough.  This last year of college has abolished those thoughts.

I now believe in my work and my skills.

But I'm still not who I want to be.

I am so utterly fed up with how I look.  I could give you a list, head to toe, of all the things I don't like about my looks.  I'm jealous of pretty much every girl I walk past.  I want to look like anyone but myself.  I want to be slim, so I don't see rolls of fat through my clothes or look like a whale next to my friends.  I want my hair to frame my face nicely, not look like a haystack over my head and to know how to style it.  I want smoother skin and to know how to apply make up properly.  I want a thinner, more elegant face.  I want nicer, whiter teeth and a nicer smile.
I don't care what guys think of me.  I want girls to look at me and think 'I want to look like her'.

I've had my photo taken a lot over the past week and I've hated every one.  I am so fed up with how I look and I'm stuck with it.